Thank you~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There will come a day
when your tears of sorrow
will softly flow into tears of remembrance...
and grieving will be interrupted by episodes of joy...
and you will hear the whisper of hope.

There will come a day
when you will welcome the tears of remembrance...
as a sunshower of the soul...
a turning of the tide...
a promise of peace.

There will come a day when you will...
risk loving...
go on believing...
and treasure the tears of remembering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you T & H for the lovely and meaningful poem.
Thank you all my friends for the encouraging words.
Thank you everyone for the care and concern during my difficult times.
Though pain heals but hurt lingers, i am still doing very fine.
Appreciate lots...

Life has to go on...

It's like a dream to me now...It has never come across my mind that this will happen to me. We have been very optimistic and looking forward to the arrival of our little one after the first trimester. We looked around for mummy stuffs, asked friends for lobangs and reading up forum, exploring on baby stuffs when we went shopping...

Everything happens when i went to the toilet and feel something bulging out from below. It feels like a translucent balloon protruding on the surface. I began to panic and asked hubby to look at it, and he have the same description on what i have seen and feel. I was so worried and almost cried. Immediately, hubby contacted our gynea through the hospital hotline. He was uncontactable but returned call about 1-2 hrs later. I explained to my gynea and he was unable to tell as they need to see and examine before making any conclusions. He adviced me to go to the 24hrs emergency department shall i feel unusual. Trying to calm ourselves down, i went to lie back on the bed and hubby says that he could not see the bulge there anymore. We were relieved for a while and decided to monitor first.

At night, i visited the toilet again. I noticed some very light brownish discharge and thought it was normal. However, before going to bed around 1am, i went to the toilet and saw some streak of blood when i wiped. I called for hubby and began to worry and sobbed. Hubby called for cab and we went straight down to the hospital emergency department.

The doctor on duty did an ultrasound for me and told me that my womb has dilated to 4cm, and its a very early impending miscarriage. My heart sank. I was to be hospitalised immediately. I sobbed and could not accept the fact, but was still giving ourselves some hope for the next morning consultation on what can be done. On 28 Nov (Fri), the consultants came to brief on my condition. We were given 3 choices:

1) To lie and wait to see what will happen
2) To perform cerclage
(Due to my cervical incompetency)
3) To terminate the pregnancy

The decision was really tough for us. We would very like to try for option 2 but as our baby is only at 20 weeks, the chances of having a healthy and full term baby is low, and the balloon thing that bulges out is actually the waterbag. Even if to push back the waterbag and stitch the womb, there may be high chance of breaking the water bag. And if the stitching is successful, it may only last to an average of 6-8weeks. The baby is far too premature. Finally, we came to a decision to terminate the pregnancy the next day.

On 29 Nov(Sat), 11.15am, my gynea came, he feel sorry for us and asked for our final decision before inserting in the tablet to aid in my contraction to deliver the baby naturally through vaginal. Tablet was inserted, i cried again. Contraction came on and off and finally, waterbag burst and baby was out after approximately 2hrs later. I was feeling okay until hubby was back from seeing our baby girl. She was a beautiful baby, about an elbow-length and everything looks perfect on the exterior - the eyes, nose, mouth and everything was formed. Hubby went to see baby the 2nd time when i was asking for the description. This time i cried hard but controlled myself. Hubby mentioned that he seems to see the baby inhaling through the lung once before the box was closed. I broke down again. I feel that its my fault that i was not able to hold my baby. She was so beautiful and was alive but we have to give up on her. It was heart-wrenching. I have no courage to see her either, what a lousy mum...Weep weep~

Throughout the stay at the hospital, i cried myself to sleep. It was an emotional trauma for me and hubby. Hubby has been great too, this is the first time i've seen him crying hard. He has supported me emotionally and physically. He has taken a week's leave to do confinement for me at home. I really love and appreciate him. We are recovering and getting better now, hubby has been a pillar of support and i think this really gives us a stronger bond.

Life has to go on and we hope our future pregnancies will be smooth ones....

We are sorry to our baby girl, may she be happy in her world and come back to us as our baby girl again in our next pregnancy.

You will always be our darling girl. Daddy & Mummy loves you.

Long weekend~

Let's have a quick short update for my weekend again.

Sat: Congrats Fiona & Dominic!
Had a long walk from my place to Fiona's home for her bb full month celebration. BB Kayla is so cute, she looks like her jie jie Kimberly when she was a baby. She is deem to look as lovely as her jie jie when she grows up.
Catch up with some old sec schoolmate and it's nice to update one another after a long long time...Left fiona's place around 7.00pm and proceed to JP by bus, as we need to get groceries for the week...

Sun: Hubby got to work so settled lunch myself. Had sandwich and milk for lunch but cooked a pack of instant mee to eat again to satisfy my hunger, so guilty..=P
Ironed clothes, watched tv, relax abit before i start some housework in the later afternoon. Randomly sweep the masterbedroom and living room, clean and washed the kitchen top + stove and clean the rack while i still got the energy+motivation now. 'Cos if i don't take the first step to start doing, i will never do it again! So dirty~

Mon: wOw busy busy day cooking for lunch and dinner. In-law came over for dinner and got to prepare the dishes and cut the fruits when they arrive. So many pots and pans to wash but luckily hubby was there to help with the dishes after the dinner. I have prepared lor ba, carrot potatoes soup and stir fry cabbage + hubby bought roasted Johnson duck from our nearby coffeeshop + MIL brought home-made thai style salad (very nice!) and fruits. Day ended at 9.00pm, went to bathe and watched the last episode of "Ding Dang Shen Tan". Tired tired day~ but in the end did not have a good night sleep as hubby was on night duty. Tossing and turning on the bed from 11+ to 12+am, went to charged my handphone instead..tossing & turning again, not sure if i have sleep in between, awaken up at 2.30am..ok just nice, off my handphone charger, read some magazines before i finally go back to sleep, but not a good one. Ended up with headache and bad aches in the next morning. Hope hubby no night duty again! >_<

Weekend~

Had a busy weekend...and seems to have spent quite alot for those events~~

Sat, 18 Oct: An invitation to buddy's housewarming
Phew... it's only 3 blocks + 1 road away from my home, hehe.. Prepared and have lunch at home before leaving to her new crib at 2.15pm.
Finally met up with cindy @ su's place after no-contact for a few months, haha..still as slim as ever, but did not managed to catch up alot as it's only an hour meeting there. Hope to catch up more in our next meeting yeah, cindy?
Although with the odd layout of the living room, it still looks very cosy with the featured wall, partitioned wall, the lightings and the wallpapers in the bedroom, cool...too bad did not take any pics of it, but you can see a brief intro in her blog.

Left her home at around 4pm, we took a cab and went to my in-laws home. Just spend some time hanging around in their home and surfing net with SIL. While surfing, MIL was preparing dinner in the kitchen. Don't know why that day it does not cross my mind to help her out which i normally will..Oops, is it because we are too engross in surfing or am i too tired or simply lazy? Oops, feel so guilty after that, but i helped to wash up the dishes as usual. ;p

7pm: Borrowed van from FIL before we proceed to our dinner at Jurong Country Club. It was my "Sa Jim Bo" (Hokkien), which is my grand-dad's brother's wife 80th birthday celebration at Fu Lin Men Chinese Restaurant. wOw, i'm glad we borrowed van from FIL, it's quite a distance to walk from the bus stop at Science Centre!
So paiseh to see many of my relatives there as we don't have a habit of visiting each other during CNYs. And i only know smiling and 'hi-ing' to them, hahaa...how to teach our children to greet them when we don't even know it ourselves?? =x
Overall, the dinner was so-so, "Sa Jim Bo" still looks very strong and healthy at her age. The entertainment show is quite interactive but just that the speaker is too loud throughout, causing hubby to have headache after that. This is the 2nd time attending such celebration and i think i dread attending elderly birthday celebration now, as the songs are all foreign to us and especially loud like ge-tais.. >_< The event ended at around 10.30pm and we drop dead onto our bed straight after our bath. Home sweet home!!!

Sun, 19 Oct: Meeting up friends + Dinner
As usual, prepared and have lunch at home first before meeting our friends at Holland Village Coffee Club @1.30pm. Woo, received a red bomb from one of our friends. He is getting married on 27 Nov, another angbao gone from us, hahaa..However, it's still a happy occasion to celebrate. =) Those groups are hubby's friends since his secondary days. It's great to see good friends gathering once in a while although each and everyone has their own family life. It's really the type of friendship which i think one should have. Nice chat with all of them and we separated at around 5pm.
Hubby and i went to Jack's Place for dinner to use our $15 dinner voucher. Still need to top up around $30 for our meal, voucher is a gimmick! haaa...
Went to return van and took cab back again. Home sweet home again. I love my home! hehee...

Dying

Do not say "free at work"

wOw, these few days has been so busy with registration, so much more paperwork than the last few semesters!

I truly believe that you should not comment you are free at work, 'cos the next thing you'll get is "BUSY"!!! Arghh...i'm not going to comment anything anymore!!! >,<

Having headache and stomachache since yesterday, guess must have ate something wrongly. Feels like taking MC but have some work to rush today. Sob sob..

Ok, going back to work now. Ciaoz!

Trying to stay awake

Just back from lunch not long ago..feeling so sleepy now especially after the sunny hot walk back from the faraway canteen..nothing delicious there but simply sick of the food around our building. No more $2.00 food in the campus, only prices like foodcourt or hawker outside, meaning my monthly pocket money is in an inclining rate~ Tsk

My colleague is kind enough to offer me a sachet of Lipton Milk Tea, but i rejected since i'm not a coffee or tea lover. BUT, seeing her drinking it as well, i changed my mind in just a few seconds. I thanked her for the drink, anyway i am trying to keep awake too, hehe................... Oh well, i finished the tea soon after, doesn't seems to keep me awake..but the taste suddenly reminds me of having roti prata..'cos i often share the drink with hubby when we are having prata! Hmm..yummy..i like prata plain..ok, don't think too much of food again, i guess these few days i have been stuffing my stomach with many junk food that makes me feel really bloated..must put to a stop and have a healthy diet... *yawnz* don't know why so sleepy, feeling that i'm writing this in my dream ~ -__-

I'm glad this is consider a low season period at work, so i have some time to surf the internet. Read the news, see friend's blog, visit STOMP!, surf for gossips..and voila, i like this Mediacorp couple: Alan Tern & Priscelia Chan. Such a sweet & loving couple. They just got married last October but only went for honeymoon recently due to overseas filming commitments for the past 6 months.

郎 才 女 貌
Hope they will be as blissful as ever!

Just passing by ~

Four things you should never blog about

Woo.. came across this article while reading the online papers.

Article from: http://digital.asiaone.com/Digital/Features/Story/A1Story20080527-67224.html

Four things you should never blog about

It might be tempting to post your grievances online and let the entire world know about it, but no matter how much you want to do it, don't. Sensitive information, pictures or even opinions directed at individuals might one day find its way back to you. Here is a list of the four things you should never blog about.

1. Your personal information

It is a no-brainer to know that you should not post information such as your credit card number online. But other seemingly harmless information, such as the address of your new apartment, or your new cell phone number, should not go online as well. You never know if someone might be able to use that information to track you down.

2. Photos you only want your close friends to see

Remember that picture of you standing on the bar top in your underwear that your best friend took in college? It might be an interesting conversation piece, but if it's something you don't want the entire world and your friend's friend's friend's cousin's hamster to see, don't post it online. Imagine if a potential employer, or - horror of horrors - your boss, discovers the photo posted on someone else's MySpace account.

3. Your job

It may suck. It may be the worst job in the world with the lowest pay or you are in charge of doing all the dirty work. No matter how much you hate your job, never talk about it on your blog. Not only would your superiors get a bad impression of you should they find out, you might also have posted information about the company that is considered confidential.

Even if you love your job, don't talk about it online. Your enthusiasm might not be reciprocated should the top dogs find out that you have been posting the company's latest secret prototype photos on your blog because you love cell phones so much.

4. Your boss

Or the office bitch. Or anyone you don't like. You might never know if the office bitch finds out about your very personal opinions about your boss and well - forwarded them to the boss. The situation at work might be ugly, but don't make it any uglier by taking it online.

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Okay, then i should go all the way back to my archives and delete some of my complains at work... hee~

5th May 2008

I'm still active!

wah wah, never know it's that long since i last login to blogger. Where have i been? Well, i went to Japan trip with my dearest hubby! It was a 10 days free and easy trip. Hubby did all the homework on their transport and directions whereas i just sourced for the hotels and attractions i would like to go. Plan to quite a few places: Osaka, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Gamagori, Hakone, Tokyo and Disneysea. We are lucky enough to be able to apply leave during the Sakura season and got to see cherry blossom everywhere in Japan! The blossoms really reminds us of our times in France, with the Sunflower field, Tulip farm and Lavender field!

If you like sightseeing, Kyoto and Hakone should be a good choice. If the weather is clear, you will be able to see Mt Fuji from the ropeway ride or sightseeing cruise in Hakone. Its a pity that it rained during our stay in Hakone, that we are unable to see the majestic Mt Fuji. However we do enjoy their onsen (spring bath) very much especially in their cold weather!

On the other hand if you are a shopping freak, Tokyo is the best shopping spot for you. They have very long shopping streets in different areas like Akihabara, Ikebukuro and Shinjuku. We managed to bunk in at our Japanese friend's home during our 2-day stay in Japan. She had prepared dinner and breakfast for us, making us feel so much at home and to taste the Japanese home-cooked dishes where you may not be able to find them at the restaurants. It was being nice of them to give up their bedroom for us to sleep in and set up futons for us. Really appreciate for their hospitability. Thanks Yoshiya and Yuko for being a great hosts!

In overall, do not give Japan a miss. They have nice and cultured people that they even queue up to board the train!

We find most of the Japan information here: http://www.japan-guide.com/
Do check it out if you are going to Japan, it's extremely useful.

I did not post any photos online yet, but to those friends who have access to view my Friendster, you can see a few of the photos being uploaded there!

Cheers!

News for me

He is such a nice person, but he's a step faster than me. I should be the one to go first, it's a pity he's before me. He must be overloaded with work, this shows i am not wrong. Whoever is reading this, you would not understand me. This sounds like death, but it is not. I really appreciate him around, he is the first to see me cry here. He has been a nice chap, easy going, friendly, kind and soft-spoken..etc.

It has been a blessing to have him around.

Whatever guesses, please keep it to yourself. I promised to him.

I will announce it when the time is ripe.

Updates~

Time to give some updates. Many have been asking me about my job hunting. Yeap, have wasted my leave and attended quite a few interviews. Some are good, some are not. Have been shortlisted for 2nd interview for some but i've actually rejected it 'cos the interviewer will be my boss where i find one of them sarcastic and another too pushy style. I shan't describe the details here, too much to write, haa..so i'm back to square one, will be putting to a stop first, its not fun attending interviews..phew...

In my first few entries, i did mentioned about doing sewing, it has been stopped since then, 'cos the machine actually breaks down. Wonder is it i mishandled or the machine too old? haha.. anyway, shall leave it there first and consider if i need a new set. =P

Life has been peaceful these days, not much of changes and updates. Learn to take everything easy now, since some things are beyond my control, why not take a breather for myself? hehe.. Cheers! ^^

Came across Dasmond Koh's blog, read the article from there, interesting..

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儿子给父亲的一封信 (A letter from the son)

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed 'Dad'. With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands,

'Dear Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passionDad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy, she owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better, she sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself, someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.


Love, your son, Joshua

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home :)


---------------------------------------------

Bored~

Time: 8.50pm
Taken dinner, washed the dishes.
Mahjong session outside.
Hiding in the room alone using internet.
Checked emails.
Looking for friends to chat.
Friends busy, chat very little.
Staring at the screen blankly.
Watch tv? Sorry, only when i'm at my comfort zone.
Watch them play? Sorry, i rather stay at home.
Go back home first? That's too rude and disrespectful.

Continue to daze bah...

End time: 9.00pm

Never know i can finish my entry in 10mins, haa.. too fast, too bored...for another few hours...

Chinese Orchestra 华 乐 团

wooo! I didn't know i miss Chinese Orchestra until i heard familiar songs and performance by a group of university students at the canteen!

As usual when i was making my way to the canteen for lunch, i heard the song " 喜 气 洋 洋 " coming from the canteen direction. At first i was thinking it could be from the radio playing chinese new year songs. But as i was approaching the canteen, i saw a band of chinese orchestra members playing the chinese instruments. Somehow i started to feel a sense of closeness and my hair stands. Stands? Not shivers, not chillings, it's just an undescripable feeling which reminds me of my secondary school days, something nostagic. I slowed down my pace to see and listen to the song, reminiscing how we used to play songs on stage during festive seasons. The feeling lingers until i heard the next song, " 迎 春 接 福 " 。。。 the same old songs we used to play during chinese new year...

Those were the days.. if only i have my instrument and playing kakis, i would join Chinese Orchestra again somewhere someplace...

^_^

Joyeux Anniversaire!

Thank you dearest families and friends for wishing me another year older! ^^

Boss and You

Something interesting to share... hilarious.. haha..

Know the differences between you and your boss?

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

Happy Year 2008!

Let Year 2007 bring away all worries and unhappiness.
And welcome a brand new Year 2008.
May this year brings more joy and laughters to our lives.

Happy New Year 2008! ^_^